what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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