when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
