I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
