i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would fuck him just for his dog
do nipples grow back?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
