the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
did i just pee glitter
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
