the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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