I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
