Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
