I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
