i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
