Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
