He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
