You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
