Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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