did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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