My liver just broke up with me...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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