One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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