Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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