dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
