Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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