May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
