i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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