i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
