Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize