I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
