i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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