Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
