i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
