pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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