I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize