Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
