um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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