omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize