Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
