i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
