Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
