wrigley field is MILF paradise
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
