She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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