Swine flu. Run for my life!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize