Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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