Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
