Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
