She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
