We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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