He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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