Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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