paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
