So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
