i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
