I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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