Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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