Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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