The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
