So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
