Will you blow on my dice?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
