Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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