At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
