my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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