we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I puked a lego.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
