Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
