Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
