how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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